A Journey Through Mental Health and Self-Discovery
September 16, 2025 Tim Horton’s Desk of Gordon
A Day of Gratitude and Growth
Today was a day filled with raw emotion, deep reflection, and a renewed sense of purpose. From 10:00 to 8:00 I slept. I poured my heart into living authentically, embracing the highs and lows of my mental health journey, and reconnecting with the people who matter most today. Here's a glimpse into my day, my emotions, and the lessons I'm carrying forward.
Grateful For the Little Things
Today, I’m overflowing with gratitude. I’m thankful for the internet girls—those vibrant online conversations that spark joy and connection in unexpected ways. I’m grateful for the simple pleasure of a hearty beef and potato dinner that warmed my soul. Most of all, I’m grateful for the happiness that’s bubbling up inside me, a feeling I haven’t always been able to access. These moments remind me to stay grounded and present, to be here now.
Proud Moments: Facing the Truth
One of the highlights of my day was meeting with a psychiatrist, Dr. Macarthur. I walked into that session with courage and laid it all bare: I’m not taking the medication. It wasn’t easy to admit, especially knowing it would raise concerns. But I stood firm in my truth—I’d rather live life on my own terms, unmedicated, than feel like a version of myself that’s dulled by prescriptions. This choice isn’t about defiance; it’s about trusting what’s possible for me. I’m proud of myself for owning that decision and for the progress I’ve made on this journey.
Emotions: A Whirlwind of Joy, Gratitude, and Pride
Today, I felt happy, grateful, and proud. These emotions swirled together, creating a powerful sense of alignment. The session with my “healers” left me feeling lighter, like I’d shed a weight I didn’t even know I was carrying. For years, I’ve been navigating a mysterious energy—an almost primal force, like a “dark king kong gorilla energy”—that’s been part of my story since I was six. Hearing about it in the session felt like a revelation. Could this be what’s been throwing me off all these years? Maybe. But for the first time, I feel like I’m starting to understand it, and that understanding brings peace.
Lessons Learned: Honesty is Freedom
One of the biggest takeaways from today is simple but profound: It’s okay to be honest. Opening up to Dr. Macarthur wasn’t just about admitting I’m off meds—it was about trusting myself enough to be vulnerable. That honesty felt like a release, a step toward letting go of the baggage I’ve carried for so long. The session gave me hope that I might finally be able to release this energy for good. It feels accurate. It feels right.
Connecting with Others
Today, I made it a point to reach out and reconnect with three people from my past, including my psychiatrist and a friend, Russ. These connections reminded me of the importance of community in this journey. We’re not meant to go it alone, and even a quick conversation can reignite a sense of belonging and purpose.
Staying Active: Body and Mind
To keep my energy grounded, I walked 10 miles and did some push-ups. These small acts of movement are more than just exercise—they’re a way to honor my body and stay connected to the present moment. They’re a reminder that taking care of myself is an act of rebellion against the chaos of the world.
The Bigger Picture: Where Do We Go From Here?
As I sit here reflecting at 8:44 PM, I’m asking myself, What’s next? My mental health journey has been a winding road, full of detours and unexpected turns. Today’s session felt like a turning point, but the path ahead is still unclear. Will I spend the next year in Bellevegas? I hope not, but I’m open to whatever comes. The idea of staying in one place for too long feels stifling, yet I’m also honest with myself: I haven’t had a client in two years. That’s a tough pill to swallow. But instead of letting it define me, I’m choosing to see it as a challenge to rise to.
So, what’s the plan? For starters, I’m publishing this blog post. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s me.
Tomorrow, I’ll get those proposals out and start building the next chapter. I don’t know if I’ll land a client in a week, a month, or a year—but I know I’m not giving up. I’m all in on myself, and that’s enough for now.
A Call to Live Authentically
If there’s one thing I’ve learned today, it’s that living authentically is the ultimate act of courage. It’s about owning your choices, even when they’re unconventional. It’s about trusting your gut, even when the world tells you otherwise. It’s about showing up for yourself, day after day, and believing that you’re enough.
So, here’s my intention moving forward: Be here now. Stay present, stay honest, and keep moving forward, one step at a time. If you’re reading this, I hope you’ll join me in that intention. Let’s embrace our truths, connect with others, and create a life that feels like ours.
Here’s to the journey—messy, beautiful, and all our own.
Connect…
Gordon GordonBufton@Proton.me @GordonBufton