A Man's Perspective on the Healthy Feminine in a Changing World
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A Man's Perspective on the Healthy Feminine in a Changing World
From a bustling cafe, the rhythm of modern life hums around me. It’s a life filled with paradoxes, not least among them the evolving dynamics between men and women. I’ve been contemplating a concept that feels both ancient and urgently modern: the healthy feminine.
As a man, can I truly write about this? My perspective is, of course, shaped by my own experiences – in intimate relationships, certainly, but also through years of observing and interacting with people across continents. Travelling and living in different societies – from the vibrant energy of South America to the grounded pragmatism of Europe and the fast-paced ambition of North America – has shown me that while core human desires persist, their expression is deeply sculpted by culture and context.
One observation, particularly striking in North America, is the cultural narrative that often glorifies the independent woman, the fiercely masculine woman who needs no one. I’ve met and dated women who embody this drive, yet I've also seen, as they approach pivotal life stages around their mid thirties, a profound re-evaluation. The biological impulse to mother, to build a family nest, can become a powerful force, sometimes leading to choices that seem to diverge from the career-first paths they’ve meticulously built.
Why this deep-seated desire for children in many women? In my non-professional view, it’s woven into our very being, perhaps an echo of our hunter-gatherer past where roles were distinct – men providing, women nurturing the heart of the family. While we’ve undoubtedly evolved, there seems to be a persistent, perhaps even reptilian, wiring that influences these fundamental desires.
A narrative took root generations ago, particularly impactful for women: the push for independence. Spawned partly by the rise in divorce rates starting in the 1970s and 80s, many mothers, navigating the necessity of single-handedly providing for their families in a challenging economic landscape, instilled in their daughters a vital lesson: be self-sufficient, rely on no one, keep your options open.
This conditioning, coupled with increasing educational and professional opportunities (we're seeing significantly more women graduate from college than men), has empowered women to achieve remarkable career success and financial independence. An unintended consequence, however, is that women are delaying marriage and families.
There’s a prevailing belief that success in business requires adopting traditionally masculine traits. This is a topic worth exploring in depth separately, but I believe the inherent feminine strengths – empathy, emotional intelligence, collaboration – are not just valuable, but often superior assets in the modern professional world.
This dynamic creates a challenge in relationships: women, having cultivated their masculine energy for career success, can struggle to "surrender" or relax into their feminine when seeking partnership. Compounding this is a parallel trend: many men, growing up in homes without strong male role models (a staggering34% of children live without fathers) and navigating a rapidly changing social landscape, may struggle to embody a grounded, healthy masculine energy themselves. Relationships thrive on polarity, a concept beautifully explored in David Deida's "The Way of the Superior Man" (a recommended read for anyone – male or female – seeking insight into masculine/feminine dynamics). When masculine and feminine energies meet, complement, and even challenge each other, incredible synergy and connection are possible. This isn't limited to heterosexual relationships; polarity is a fundamental aspect of attraction and growth in human connection, regardless of gender.
The struggle to find compatible partners is real for many. One often-cited factor is the expectation, held by many women, that their male partner should earn more – a statistical hurdle in an era where women's earning potential is increasingly significant. Add to this the differing pace of emotional and mental development between genders, and the landscape becomes even more complex.
So, what’s the path forward? Perhaps it involves adjusting expectations, or maybe, for women, consciously cultivating and feeling safe expressing their feminine energy. From a male perspective, there’s a profound beauty and allure in a woman comfortable in her feminine presence, able to share control and trust in a partnership. This isn't about submission, but about the dynamic dance between energies.
It's a two-way street, demanding growth from both sides. Men need to learn to step into a confident, grounded masculine, creating a space where the feminine feels safe to flourish. Women, having mastered navigating the world independently, might explore the power of receiving and sharing control. It's about moving beyond asking "What type of food would you like tonight?" (which can feel like endless, sometimes overwhelming, options) to "Would you rather have Mexican or Italian?" – offering a choice within a clear framework, a subtle yet significant shift in the energetic dance.
The question I asked a woman recently – "Tell me how to love you" – highlighted this gap. Her inability to answer, coupled with her touching admission that it was the most caring question she’d been asked in years, speaks volumes. If we don't understand our own needs, or feel safe expressing them, how can we expect another to instinctively know how to connect with us on a deeper level? Love, like the dance of the masculine and feminine, is a practice of getting it right sometimes, leading to unparalleled joy, and getting it wrong at others, resulting in profound lessons.
Exploring these intricate layers of human connection, the push and pull of masculine and feminine energy, and the cultural forces shaping our relationships is a journey I delve into through my writing. These are the themes that resonate across borders, influencing our quest for connection in cities as diverse as Mexico City to Ibiza. Understanding these universal, yet culturally varied, human experiences is key to connecting with others on a deeper level, no matter where we are in the world.
Connect... Gordon GordonBufton@proton.me @GordonBufton33