The Quiet Wisdom of Starting Over: On Friendship, Loss, and Life's True Currency

19 May, 2025

Sunlight streams into the coffee shop, illuminating dust motes dancing in the air – tiny specks in a vast universe, prompting the age-old questions. What is the point of life? What are we truly meant to do with this astonishing, fleeting gift? Can we genuinely build a better future for humanity, or are we merely here to consume what's available now? These aren't questions easily answered, and perhaps the answers are less in grand philosophy and more in the texture of our daily lives, in the people we meet, and the challenges we overcome.

I found myself pondering these things recently after seeing an interview with two people who were once close friends. While years have passed since we last spoke, watching them sparked reflection. Could those friendships be rekindled? Perhaps. Do I desire to? That's a more complex question. We all change, we all have our good days and bad, and our perceptions of others evolve just as they do of us. It's a fascinating, sometimes difficult, part of the human experience.

True friendship, I've learned, is less about shared highs and more about steadfast presence through the inevitable lows. There was a time when the community I navigated was heavily focused on image and perceived status – connections built on what people could do for each other, or the doors they could open. As a young entrepreneur, I felt a pull towards those rooms, and they did provide opportunities. But looking back, they also exacted a heavy toll. When the external markers of success faded, so too did many of those conditional connections.

This past year has been, in many ways, a year of unexpected solitude and dismantling. Walking away from, or being forced out of, circumstances and connections that once held immense value has been profoundly challenging. Imagine losing access to years of work – millions of words written, locked away in digital accounts, seemingly gone forever. Decades of effort, wiped clean. It felt like a stark, brutal erasure of a significant part of my life.

And I must own my part in it. My actions, made in survival mode, trying to simply find food and shelter, did damage to relationships. It's a harsh truth that when you're "on top," resources flowing, people gravitate towards you. When that flow stops, the tide of so-called friends often recedes just as quickly.

It's been tough, even devastating, lessons. Yet, it's also been incredibly clarifying. I have no doubt I will achieve future success, even greater than before. And it will be profoundly interesting to see who attempts to reconnect, and, more importantly, who I choose to welcome back into my life. The few who remained present during the lean times? Their friendship is now a treasure I value beyond measure.

Starting over impacts every detail, even the small ones, like clothing. Living out of a backpack for years made me meticulous about every item – functional, versatile, durable. My favorite pair of pants, worn for years, perfect for any situation, were a symbol of that practical resilience. Losing them felt like losing a small piece of my adapted identity. Then, unexpectedly, a friend, hearing of my situation, sent me a few pairs, along with a hoodie. It was a gesture of immense generosity, a reminder of tangible kindness that left me feeling deeply indebted, yet hopeful for a future when I can pay that generosity forward, betting on a friend facing their own struggles.

Just recently, another friend gifted me this very computer I'm typing on. This single act has been transformative. It allowed me to finalize a manuscript and has fueled the publication of ten articles in ten days – a level of focused output that felt impossible when I was reliant on public resources. Having my own space, my own tools, has reignited my commitment in a powerful way.

These experiences underscore a fundamental question: How can we be truly present and help someone today? How can we offer encouragement to a stranger, lift each other up instead of instinctively tearing someone down? Do we really need to post that negative comment, or can we choose instead to offer a compliment, to tell someone how they've inspired us? It's easy to forget that we are, fundamentally, in this together. Like a sports team striving for victory, we can choose to cheer each other on, celebrating individual and collective progress. Or, we can descend into petty rivalries and mutual destruction. We see this play out on national stages, like the intense polarization in America surrounding figures like Donald Trump.

Regardless of one's political stance, such figures become case studies in division, forcing people to define what they stand for. The world remembers names and impact, for better or worse.

They say people won't remember exactly what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel. This feeling – the impact we have on others – is perhaps the most crucial aspect of our interactions. How can we cultivate a presence that allows people to feel like their best selves when they are with us? This capacity to lift others, to celebrate differences, and to invest in each other's success is a vital, empowering aspect of what it means to be a strong, modern individual, regardless of gender.

When we reach the end of our lives, the material wealth and accolades will fade in significance. What truly remains is the human connection – the people who love us, the memories we created together, the time we invested in relationships. This is the true currency of a life well-lived. It is through these bonds, these shared moments, that we leave the world a little better than we found it. The journey, with all its highs and lows, is best navigated and most meaningful when shared. These reflections on the nature of connection, resilience, and rebuilding are themes that resonate deeply throughout my work, from the complex interpersonal dynamics in The Connection Effect, to navigating challenging realities in Eluding Reality, and the difficult choices characters face under pressure in my upcoming spy novel. My experiences have only deepened my exploration of what it truly means to be human and connect in a world that constantly tests our limits.

Who will you choose to make memories with today?

Connect... Gordon GordonBufton@proton.me @GordonBufton33