The Unfiltered Thoughts You're Actually Thinking
The Unfiltered Thoughts You're Actually Thinking
Alright, let's ditch the self-help guru routine for a second. Today's vibe is less about "crushing it" and more about the random noise rattling around in the skull. You know the feeling. You're just...existing.
Case in point: typing speed. Just clocked a mediocre 55 words per minute. Pathetic, right? But here's the thing: when you're not forced to copy some sterile corporate jargon, it feels way faster. I swear I peaked at 60 back in grade school. No way I've slowed down. Probably just need to game the system a bit. Get into that flow state, you know? World-class speed is within reach. Probably.
But honestly, who even types anymore? We can speak way faster. Voice notes are the future, man. You can actually inject some sarcasm, let people know you're joking (because emojis? Hard pass. Never have, never will). Text just feels flat, devoid of the human element.
Speaking of flat, welcome to another glorious day of rain in Belleville. Mid-May, supposed to be shedding the winter layers, and it's still single digits. The joys of Canada, right? Seven months of being perpetually cold. Makes that escape fantasy – beaches, warmth, the return of the elusive tan – feel less like a dream and more like a necessity.
Then again, let's be real. I've spent plenty of time on beaches in a solid state of existential dread. So maybe the sand and surf aren't a guaranteed happiness hack. But damn, I do miss that feeling of warm sand between my toes and the sun actually hitting my skin. The daily grind is partly about clawing my way back to that vibe.
There's a tiny human at the next table, a baby no more than a few weeks old. It's wild, that pure newness. Imagining the world she'll grow up in… the potential joy, the potential struggles. What the hell would you even teach a kid that small right now? Probably just focus on the fun stuff, the human connection. Emotional intelligence feels like it's going to be the ultimate cheat code in the future.
The world's changing so fast it feels like our brains haven't even caught up. Has education? Probably not. Maybe it's all pointless pondering anyway, and AI will just spit out the answers for us. The idea of freeing ourselves from our limited human minds… that's both terrifying and kind of liberating. To just focus on the love and the messy, beautiful parts of being human.
On a completely different tangent: women. Specifically, one woman. The wall of "no" is baffling. The fear she claims not to have is so damn obvious. You ask, you try, and it's just a brick wall. Anyone else relate to that special brand of frustration?
Back to the tiny human. Watching her makes you think about the whole point of this bizarre existence. Maybe it boils down to just procreating. Something I haven't experienced yet. Grateful for the adventures I've had, sure. But is not having kids holding me back on some fundamental level? Would I be more "mature" or "valuable" if I were knee-deep in diapers? Or maybe I'm just waiting for the right partner in crime. Plenty of women have offered the "let's make a baby" proposition, but the timing (and the partner) never felt right.
What's the switch that flips that "ready" feeling? Then again, talk to any parent, and they'll probably tell you they never truly felt ready. If my buddy Nick can navigate parenthood (and that dude was the ultimate bachelor), maybe there's hope for the rest of us.
The joys of life, right? Like that random thought from a mushroom trip years ago: you come into the world shitting your pants because you don't care, and you leave the world shitting your pants because you still don't care. And everything in between is just us focusing and caring way too much.
So, what's your current obsession? What's got your focus locked in? For me, it's throwing this stuff out into the void. Been writing for years, but this whole "publishing" thing still feels new, even after dropping a couple of books.
Babies are weird, man. Like tiny, fragile aliens. Everything about them is so miniature they almost don't seem real. Maybe they're the actual rulers, and we're all just worker drones in their tiny, adorable empire. Maybe we've got this whole "life" thing backwards.
What's the point of any of this if you can't share it? My wealthy friends, the ones who've "made it," they're all about creating unique experiences with people. That time I ran a brutal 50k with a guy I hardly knew in Ohio while training for the Grand Canyon. We were strangers, but after that day of shared suffering, there's a bond that'll probably never break. We pushed each other, shared our stories, helped each other through the pain. He wasn't even prepared, but he showed up because he wanted to learn and spend the day with me. He almost finished, but with a few miles left, he bailed to make it home for dinner with his kids. That stuck with me. Family first, no question.
So, what's your number one? Is it your ego? Your bank account? Your six-pack? Your family? Chasing that fleeting feeling of fun? It can be a lot of things. And maybe, just maybe, if we focus on the right stuff, we can make it to that final, carefree, shitting-your-pants stage with a bit of gratitude for the messy ride in between.
Connect... Gordon GordonBufton@proton.me @GordonBufton33