Leaning into a New Way of Being and Accepting An Unresponsive Woman
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Today, I woke up with a profound sense of gratitude for the simple act of being creative. It’s a feeling I want to embrace, this willingness to lean into a new way of existing. To shed old skins and try on something different. There’s a certain freedom in being able to laugh at myself, and yes, even at others sometimes – a lighthearted chuckle at the human experience we’re all navigating.
I’m choosing to play a different game today, one where the rules are perhaps a little kinder, a little more focused on growth. It starts with that honest look in the mirror, the one where you acknowledge the areas that need improvement, not with judgement, but with a desire for positive change. And beneath it all, there’s this unwavering belief that we, collectively and individually, have the power to create a new way of being in this ever-shifting world.
So, what story is bubbling up from my heart today? What idea is clamouring to escape the confines of my brain and make its way out into the world? It’s about being willing to feel into the future, to actively create the vision I hold for myself, this evolution of who I am. Then there's Sarah. This… creature. I find myself circling around this relationship, trying to understand why everything feels like a transaction with her. What is she hoping to uncover? Her texting is a constant stream throughout the day, yet when it comes to actually spending time together, she’s consistently nonexistent.
I’m a little impatient with the lack of clarity. But perhaps, as the universe often whispers, it’s not meant to be what I envision right now. Is the difficulty stemming from her end, or am I the one resisting necessary changes within myself? How can we expect different outcomes if we aren’t willing to take different actions? I've extended the invitations, each met with initial enthusiasm followed by an inexplicable vanishing act. The joys of this repeating pattern. Maybe this connection with Sarah was simply a pleasant diversion for the past month, nothing more. Perhaps her role was just to offer a momentary distraction. Or maybe, it could blossom into something more. But we might never know if she remains hesitant to step out of the digital realm and explore possibilities in person. There's a vulnerability in putting ourselves out there, a risk of getting metaphorical egg on our face. And you know what? I’m okay with the risk. I’m making the effort, and the rest is truly up to the universe and how I choose to respond to it unfolding.
I recognise I'm in the arena, and for that, I am grateful. It’s a conscious choice, this willingness to engage. I know all too well that it would be easy to play a different game, to remain on the sidelines. But there’s a pull towards authentic connection, a desire to simply hang out with her without pretence or games. If she ultimately doesn't want that, I have to accept that reality.
The path forward isn’t crystal clear. Do I continue extending invitations into the void? Or do I gracefully step back, ceasing the invitations and allowing the potential to fade? It’s about letting go of these potential outcomes, allowing fate to play its role, while remembering that ultimately, we possess free will. It’s about putting my best foot forward, knowing that sometimes, even that might not be enough. It’s about acknowledging my own insecurities and choosing to play a different game, with different pieces and rules, focusing on what I can control.
So, what shall I do? I choose to keep putting in the effort, allowing things to unfold organically, even when I don’t fully understand the dynamic. The reluctance to meet in person despite expressed interest boggles my mind. It seems she prefers the safety of the keyboard. But here’s the shift: will I allow this to become another distraction, keeping me complicit in my current situation? Now that I have a laptop, the excuses have vanished. It’s time to build something, something that can truly dig me out of this hole. The responsibility lies squarely with me – to believe in my own capabilities and to create magic. This, after all, is part of the adventure. I choose to love and bet on myself during this time of change. I will write my way out of this. I will write and publish more.
I will share my thoughts, my worries, even my fears. In moments like this, the urge to lash out, to call names, can be strong. You’re responsive until it’s time to hang out, then you disappear. It’s baffling. But I don’t need to condone this behaviour to accept that it might simply be who she is. I have a choice: I can complain, or I can forgive. I can forgive, or I can choose to change my approach. I can voice my opinion and feelings, which is part of engaging with the world. But I also know I don’t have to play games or adhere to unspoken, frustrating rules.
So, what will I actually do today? I will write. I will write some more. I might rejoin the gym. I will go for a walk in the fresh air of Belleville. I will catch up on yesterday’s journaling. I might treat myself to lunch or dinner. I could connect with Raj. Maybe even try some fishing. There are countless possibilities, or I could easily fall into the trap of wasting time on social media – something future me will likely regret.
I choose to be willing to change. To be willing to love. To be willing to forgive. To be present in this moment. To know that I have the power to create magic in all areas of my experience. I put myself out there, and now I must accept the outcome, understanding that it might not even be personal. Am I frustrated and annoyed? Absolutely. A straightforward “no” would have been far more respectful than leaving me hanging. This experience, however, has gifted me a valuable lesson about invitations moving forward. I will strive to be more mindful in my own invitations, accepting quickly when I genuinely want to, and declining promptly when I don’t. Easy peasy, cover girl. This new principle, born from this very interaction, is a step towards more respectful communication. Thank you, Sarah, for unknowingly illuminating this.
It’s still a little baffling, this hesitancy. Then again, expectations are often just fantasies waiting to be dismantled by reality. I recognise that holding myself to a certain standard doesn't mean others will do the same. So, I choose to lean in, to create, to create some more, and to love all aspects of myself – flaws and all. To extend that love to others, to be in the flow of life, and to create my own brand of magic. Into infinity and beyond. Boom baby boom.
Connect... Gordon GordonBufton@proton.me @GordonBufton33
PS edited and improved with Gemini AI